


[missing the] you and i of long ago

by dreamsailing



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Jicheol, M/M, im crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:45:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8772388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsailing/pseuds/dreamsailing
Summary: Jihoon insists there's no good in bringing up the past.One song breaks all of that.| based off SEVENTEEN's Well 글쎄 lyrics written by jicheol + vernon |





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is lae's [iamsupercoups] fault cause i woke up to her angsty jicheol post, hence this fic.  
> i really dont know what i feel about this fic, the song hit my jicheol heart so hard but i dont think ive given it justice through this fic. /cryyy  
> anyways, enjoy!  
> //and please don't kill me by the end

They both knew it was a mistake.

It was a mistake to fall in love with each other.

They also knew breaking up was inevitable. With piling responsibilities and expectations, frustrations and bad tempers, Jihoon and Seungcheol’s hold on each finally slipped just months before they debut as Woozi and S.Coups. It was consensual, they insist to themselves, even if they haven’t really talked about it. Somehow the both of them just tacitly understood it was time to let go of each other.

But lately, Jihoon can’t help but feel something again. Not when Seungcheol is trying, trying to reconnect through small talks and simple gestures. The air is still stiff between them and Jihoon knows he shouldn’t expect something from Seungcheol, but who has he to blame when he himself wasn’t able to put out the fire completely and the same person seems to be coming back to fuel it again?

And sometimes, when Jihoon lays on his bed, tired eyes and exhausted limbs, he couldn’t help but think of the what ifs. What if they hadn’t broken up? What if he tried to reach out more, communicate more? Would he still have Seungcheol's arms around him late at night? But, what if he hadn’t fallen in love with Seungcheol in the first place? Things would’ve been much easier and he wouldn’t have lost his best friend over a temporary romantic relationship. It's been two years and Jihoon still thinks about a lot of things. They say people should leave and forget things of the past. But why does Jihoon feel that he hasn’t even moved an inch?

 

When Jihoon was once asked if he was being entirely honest of his feelings while writing songs, of course he had to feign innocence, saying that he wasn’t since he hadn’t been in a relationship yet. He never once tried to look over at Seungcheol to gauge the other’s reaction. It was only long after that he realized that he was afraid to know. Afraid of how Seungcheol might react. Afraid that maybe, maybe Seungcheol doesn’t even feel anything towards him anymore. Or worse, that Seungcheol still loves him and letting go of each other was not the best decision. Jihoon berates himself later, reminding himself that it has been over two years and what’s the possibility of Seungcheol being still in love with him? He probably is just trying to lessen the gap between them for the sake of the group. Him being the leader and all.

He shakes his head and tries to brush the thoughts away.

 

The manager calls them on a Thursday for a meeting to inform them which tracks made the cut.

His eyes widen when sees the track on the list. He doesn’t even remember submitting it for review. It was an old track. A track he composed two years ago, when tears were uncontrollably falling from his eyes and his chest was aching from indescribable pain.

It's the song he wrote for their breakup.

His breakup with Seungcheol.

 

"Okay, aside from the songs you'll be singing with your respective teams, we'll also have to split you into two groups for beautiful and well."

Jihoon's mind whirs, grip crumpling the piece of paper in his hold.

_Please don’t put me and Cheol in the same team. Please don’t—_

"Okay for tears, we'll have Woozi, Jeonghan, Vernon, Wonwoo, Seungkwan, and S.Coups."

Jihoon deflates at the mention of Seungcheol's name. The manager then proceeds to furnish the members copy of the lyrics of the songs and Jihoon feels suffocated, as if the walls are closing in. He abruptly stands from his seat which earns him everyone's eyes. In a small voice and with his head cast down, he excuses himself and flees the meeting room in rushed steps.

He fails to see Seungcheol's worried eyes following him.

 

Jihoon confines himself in his studio for the rest of the day until evening. When 1am ticks, the members start to file out to go back to the dorm, but not without stopping by Jihoon to check on him. Chan was the latest one to stick his head by the door, fringe damp with sweat but the maknae nevertheless gave him a cheery reminder of not staying out too late.

It’s an hour later or so when another knock comes on Jihoon's door. He turns his swivel chair expecting another member checking on him before they head out. What he doesn’t expect though is a hesitant Seungcheol, poking his head through the door, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

Jihoon calms his racing heart when Seungcheol steps into the room and closes the door softly behind. Nobody utters a word for seconds and Jihoon can painstakingly hear the ticking of the clock and it makes him squirm on his seat. It’s been long since it has been just him and Seungcheol alone.

"Uh, I just wanted to check on you before heading out." Seungcheol mutters lowly, eyes drifting across the room.

Jihoon also couldn’t bring himself to look at the other, choosing to turn back to face his computer, "I’m fine, you can go ahead."

Seungcheol doesn’t answer but Jihoon can hear the scuffling of the other's sneakers moving across the floor. Suddenly he feels a heavy weight over his back and a hand overlapping his and subsequently taking the computer mouse under his hold. Jihoon sits there dumbfounded as Seungcheol saves the track he's currently editing and closes the tabs one by one. He finally shuts the computer down and moves away from his position against Jihoon's back.

Jihoon lets out a breath he didn’t notice he’s holding in.

"It’s past 3am, managers word we should be home before 4am at least, we have recordings by 9."

Jihoon grumbles and racks his mind to retort but Seungcheol cuts him off by handing him his coat.

"Come on." Jihoon doesn’t try to reason anymore, not when he's suddenly attacked by an onslaught of memories of how this same situation was a normal thing for the both of them when they were still together. Jihoon cooped up in his studio til late at night and Seungcheol dragging him home to catch some sleep. Jihoon shivers at the memory and quickly puts on his coat and cap. He follows the older quietly out of the room.

They maintain a good distance while walking and Jihoon searches his mind for words to break the suffocating silence. Words used to naturally flow whenever he’s with Seungcheol, and it’s painful to realize that now it even takes an effort to initiate some small talk.

But Seungcheol suddenly walks the opposite way and Jihoon splutters a confused "Where are you going?"

"I’m hungry. I want some noodles. You want some too?"

"But you said we had to go home before 4am."

"Yeah but I can’t go to sleep with my stomach grumbling."

Jihoon almost responds _yeah cause you’ll just keep on whining about food instead of sleeping_ but catches himself just before the first word escapes his lips.

He can’t even be casual with Seungcheol now, everything’s so damn hard.

Seungcheol whips his head around when he doesn’t respond and catches the other’s down casted look.

_How is it painful to face each other now?_

Seungcheol falters in his step and Jihoon stops in his track, looking up to catch Seungcheol's eyes on him.

_Why did we fall apart?_

"I'll..." Seungcheol's adams apple bob, the air suddenly feels thicker and he finds it hard to breathe. "I'll just get the noodles, you can wait on the bench if you want." He doesn’t wait for the others reply before he turns around and jogs towards the convenience store.

 

Seungcheol comes back with two cups of noodles and offers one to Jihoon, the latter accepting it wordlessly. They eat in silence, the cold breeze painting their cheeks pink. Who would’ve known eating a cup of noodles at the most ungodly hour would bring back so much memories. They used to do this every night before. They used to hold hands while walking, laughing with each other. Being happy was easy. And its saddening to realize how indifferent they’ve become of each other in just a couple of years.

Just being beside Seungcheol opened the flood gates of emotions Jihoon has been trying to lock up and he’s drowning again.

"So," Seungcheol starts, disposing his cup in a nearby bin, "I didn’t know you were working on ballads. It’s my first time to hear Well. When did you write it?"

 _Why did you have to ask for that specifically?_  

"If you’ve read the lyrics," Jihoon answers monotonously, "you would’ve known already."

Seungcheol remains silent beside him and Jihoon disposes his own cup, rousing from the bench.

"Come on, we need to head home—"

"Why did we stop talking?" Seungcheol asks him abruptly. From the way the other blinks, Jihoon gets that Seungcheol himself is surprised with his question. "I mean, I, we just—"

Jihoon turns around, his heart thundering against his chest upon seeing Seungcheol’s conflicted expression. "Things happened, Seungcheol," he sighs heavily, "You don’t expect us to act normally around each other after that, right?"

"But," the other starts but his words get lost in the air, Jihoon just knows Seungcheol is currently worrying his lips in thought. "But I thought we could’ve been, friends, even just friends."

Jihoon squeezes his eyes tightly. He hates that term. Friends. They were once friends, best friends even, and they threw it away over a risky relationship and now here they are, doubting if they could even treat each other as friends.

Jihoon couldn’t help but feel a tinge of regret.

"Get up, we need to go home Seung—"

"Is it because we didn’t try to talk?"

"Seungcheol—"

"Could we have, could we have fixed these things if we just—"

"Seungcheol, stop!"

 

There are tears in his eyes. His hands are trembling and his throat constricting.

 

"Please don’t," he swallows, he’s been trying his hardest not to cry over the same reason for two years now, "please don’t try bringing this up again, it’s been years."

"But Ji, if just—"

"Please don’t call me that." He curls his hand into fist. He can’t have his walls breaking down when he spent years building them up.

Seungcheol visibly deflates, shoulders drooping, "I just wanted to talk. To have some kind of closure. I can’t," his voice shakes and Jihoon doesnt want to hear anymore of this. "I just cant bear how things turned between us."

"Let’s stop," he sighs, quivering, "end whatever that’s left of us and move—"

"What if I don’t want to?" Jihoon snaps his head up to meet Seungcheol’s own teary eyes. His look almost begging Jihoon, "What if I can’t?"

Jihoon feels the air getting knocked off his chest. He can’t breathe. Seungcheol’s eyes are drawing him in and he can't risk it. He can't risk falling and drowning again.

So he does what he thinks could only save him.

He runs away.

 

When Seungcheol enters the recording room the next day, Jihoon immediately notices how the other seems so tired. The bags under his eyes are darker than the usual, gone is his usual pink lips and his complexion paler.

Little did Jihoon know Seungcheol didn’t get a blink of sleep last night.

"Yo, Coups, don’t feel good?" Bumzu asks through the mic.

Seungcheol gives him a tight smile, "I'm fine."

Jihoon busies himself with something else while Bumzu orients Seungcheol of some points. Before they start though, Jihoon notices the piece of paper Seungcheol's brought with him inside the recording room.

_Odd. He usually memorizes his part before recording._

"Okay Coups, we're going in 3, 2, 1,”

Wonwoo's voice come for the first part of the song, and when Seungcheol opens his mouth to sing, Jihoon snaps his head up to look at the man at the other side of the mirror.

 

_Our surroundings that are covered with sighs are quiet_

_Even if I feel like I can’t breathe, it's better to not say a word_

_Our relationship that has hardened_

_A fight that doesnt reach a solution_

_The room door that ends up opening becomes the starting point_

_Turning heads,_

 

Seungcheol lifts his head to meet Jihoon's gaze

 

_Let’s talk next time._

 

 

 

 

Seungcheol has changed the lyrics.

**Author's Note:**

> dont ask me why i ended there, i dont know also. hahaha. but i am considering adding up another chap (aaand seungcheol's part, but thatsss, if i have the time)  
> anyways, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section or scream at me on twitter @j0shua_h


End file.
